it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
