you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Randomize
