oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
