He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
