New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
