Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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