this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
