Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Randomize
