in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
