We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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