if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize