Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
