Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
