I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
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i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
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No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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