i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
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We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
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I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
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