Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
