When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
