My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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