That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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