AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
