some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
