Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I need to wash the frat house off of me
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?