i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
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At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
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I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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