god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
