He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
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Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
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Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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