That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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