My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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