I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
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Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
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I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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