i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
