that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
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