I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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