bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Never underestimate the power of titties
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
