I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
