You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
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The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
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Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
The power of my boobs compel you
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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