I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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