The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
my god I love twenty year old dicks
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
