I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
