I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I enjoy the company of your penis
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
