Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
