Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
