Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Randomize
