I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
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She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
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From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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