I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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