Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
