I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
