Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Reggie can tackle my bush.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
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Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
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i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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