The maid of honor just puked.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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