i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
