Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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