my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
